Children

There is so much conflicting inside me right now about children. I am at the point in life where I want children, and tragically with what I am going through I'm not sure I can have children. Then there is adoption. Adoption is expensive and a very arduous process, but something we can do if we can't have children.

I guess I'm not sure if I want children for selfish reasons of simply passing on a part of myself to another generation or if I want children for the joy of helping another life grow up in this world. Maybe I'm analyzing too much? Maybe life just happens one day and you need to deal with it? Though with my current life that is pretty doubtful! I can't seem to reassure myself that it is ok to live a life without children. I feel that I'll be letting my parents and family down by being childless. I also keep fretting or the fact I may be missing out on one of the greatest joys of life.

Whatever the answer is, I am coming of the age now that I need to do something about these feelings.

What a week!

I've had the best birthday week ever! I guess it's called a week because I had blessings come in all week long from people. A special thanks, and much love to Monica for making this week all the more special.

I realize now how wonderful life is. I guess you never really grasp it until things are going well in your life. I have very few worries, lots of love, lots of hope, lots of joy, a job I enjoy and most of all good health.

So even at this ripe age, I have so much to look forward to and I can't wait to experience all the fun that life has to offer.

On the down side, World of Warcraft is back with a new expansion and I have probably been playing it too much. I need to scale that back for times with friends and family. You gotta have a balance in there!

So Loved!

I am the luckiest girl in the world....nay the whole universe! Never before in my life have I been so loved and cared for and felt so in love. I feel inspired, so inspired and no one else has ever made me feel so....simply blessed.

Words here cannot do justice to the way I feel.

Weekend Goodness

What an awesome weekend I had!

Friday night, I spent the evening with some friends from work. We played a neat game called Carcassonne. You spend your turns drawing little tiles and placing little people on various tile sin special ways in order to score points. There's no dice rolling or drawing cards and the game relies a lot on strategy. It was very fun. We then went out to dinner and had a nice bite to eat.

Saturday was spent lounging, shopping and going out and of course spending some time on the computer.

Today, I spent the day doing a lot of cleaning. Way too much cleaning in fact because we had some guests over to play another great game of Zombies. Yes. Zombies. We had an epic marathon of a game and it was quite fun! Our friends are quite enjoying this game and it really is a great game the more people you have.

The Evils of Laundry

I don't hate doing laundry. Thankfully, I have a nice washing machine and dryer and don't have to go to a laundromat to do it.

What I do hate is how my clothes end up after a few loads of laundry! No matter what delicate settings or even sometimes by avoiding the dryer altogether, clothes just end up not as nice as they were when you buy them. It's a real bummer, especially for sweaters! Sweaters start to lose that soft feeling and blouses start to end up feeling starchy and faded (even with no starch added!) I wonder if the culprit is fabric softener? Or is it the detergent I'm using?! I need something more gentle I guess or maybe we need a new washer.

I guess it must be a real slow day if the only thing I can think of is laundry to talk about, but I'm in a really unhappy with the way this sweater feels, especially when a few months ago it was so happy and soft!

Getting Over It

My old friends that abandoned me last year keep cropping up in my dreams and in my mind. No matter what I try, I can't seem to get over them or to stop trying to reach out to them. I almost would like something out of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, where I could just erase it all out of my mind, but then I would lose all the wonderful memories and fun we had.

How do you deal with the pain of caring about people who won't talk to you anymore? I can't stop caring and reaching out isn't going to work. How do you live knowing that nearly 10 people have just totally written you off in one fell swipe? It is just a horrible situation to be in and it's beyond my control to do anything about it.

Like the message of Brokeback Mountain, "If you can't fix it, you gotta stand it."

Resolutions

My New Year started in the most wonderful ways possible among great friends and family on the first few days and I hope this trend continues for this coming year.

I look back on 2006 and see so many blessedl times that I have to explicitly say that it was the best year of my life. While I lost lots of old friends at the beginning of the year and was given an ultimatum that nearly ended my job, the rest of the year only got better.

I built stronger relationships with those who know me for me, I went out to meet people, I learned more about myself than I had ever imagined, I adapted to problems, I had a wonderful time with my parents, and last but certainly not least, I found love and happiness! I am blessed beyond any stretch of the imagination.

This year, I have a few resolutions I'd like to keep:

• Get far along in writing my book.
• Spend less money on eating out this year. I spend way too much at work!
• Continue my diet and stay fit.

This year should be wonderful and thank you everyone for a divine 2006!

A Weekend to Remember

I had the most awesome weekend ever!

I got to finally see Monica again and we had a blast and got to talk and have a so much fun hanging out. Oh so much fun!

What did we do?! Well, what didn't we do?! We killed zombies on the Xbox 360, went shopping at great stores, went out to enjoy a wonderful evening at a place called Dave & Busters, watched awesome and scary movies like The Descent and Silent Hill, nursed sick kitties back to health, played a board game called Clue, Museum Caper several fun times, went out to breakfast at a yummy pancake place, exchanged wonderful Christmas gifts, had a delicious breakfast cooked by wonderful Monica with sticky buns included, ate Chinese for dinner, and to top it all off, we spent New years with Monica's friends and played a wicked cool Zombie board game and ate pizza!

It was quite a few days full of the most joy and happiness that I can remember, all packed into a singularity of bliss! Life has been so good to me and Monica and her hubby are the best hosts ever. What a way to ring in the New Year than with so many good times and memories and warmth that will always be in my heart.